Crawling Outta That Hole

Why hello hello! Hope you’re feeling refreshed and alive this morning!

Can I just show you the delicious meal that I was privileged to eat last night?  Thanks to my parentals having a small partay, good food was a give-in and convinced me to stay home to nab some.

Homemade hot spinach & mozzarella dip with wheat thins, and some Cheddar Cheese pretzels.  I forgot how addicting wheat thins are.  I also forgot how much I love mozzarella, since I haven’t had any since returning from Italy.

A Black Bean burger with loads of mustard and onions, a side of Asian Cabbage Salad, and some fresh veggies smothered in ahem, the spinach dip.  That stuff was calling my name all night.

And a side of fresh, huge strawberries.  Why do strawberries taste so much better when someone else cuts them for you?!

You know ‘those days’ when all you want to do is crawl in a hole and naturally you revert back to old habits?  You know those triggers that usually make that happen?  Okay, yesterday was one of ‘those days’.  But there was no trigger.  I had a really good day overall, yet when dinnertime rolled around I was going crazy trying to restrict my food intake.  I ended up eating only half of everything on my plate because I felt like punishing myself.

Pre-party I was also looking forward to some fresh chocolate cake for dessert.  BUT when dessert time arrived, ummm I passed on the cake.  I’m still mad at myself, because I was craving it, and I knew it wouldn’t do anything to my body to have one slice.  Yet I chose to eat a bag of 100-cal kettle corn and a few pieces of dark chocolate instead.  I told myself I didn’t deserve the cake, and it would reverse the work I accomplished from my workout yesterday morning.

I don’t have any idea what made me go from feeling almost completely healed to falling back in that dark place again.  Of course it still happens every once in a while…I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely healed where my relationship with food will be perfect.  But I have experienced grace and healing.  I know what’s on the other side of the tunnel, so it becomes easier and easier to pick myself back up (or let God pick me back up actually) and keep on moving forward.  Dwelling over ‘The Return of the Old Habits’ isn’t going to heal me whatsoever, so my only option is to keep. looking. ahead.  Praying. Trusting. Recovering.

Today I’ve been given a new day, which is another chance to keep the recovery process going.  SO I treated myself to a summer smoothie and two-ya hear me-TWO Bamango Muffins.  Two muffins, oh my!? I thought the day would never come.  Punishment for that won’t be on my agenda today, because I want to work on my heart and who i am instead of my body.  YAY for a new mindset!

So thankful for Photobooth, otherwise breakfast pics would be few and far between

In the mix went half of a frozen banana, 8 frozen strawberries, half of a frozen mango, a scoop of Vanilla Whey Protein (finally found a kind I like!), cinnamon, 1/8 cup oats, 1/2 cup almond milk, and a dash of coconut extract.  Creamy, summery, and most importantly cold.

I owe two Italy recaps today…hopefully I can whip those out before a long day at work.  Blaaaahh.  Enjoy the Tuesday!

 

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Crawling Outta That Hole

  1. Haha it’s so true, strawberries are always better when someone else has sliced them up for you!!

  2. Ha well you know I can relate to this post, as I wrote something quite similar 🙂 Just remember that falling back into old habits helps nothing, and has the strong potential to make things so much worse

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