Fear of Failure? NAH

Buenos dias!  I think I’m the only one who adores Monday mornings-it’s a fresh start to a fresh week, and I’m always feeling overly productive on Mondays.  We’ll see if that actually happens.  Ending the weekend with this bowl of heaven didn’t suck either.

Apple cake soaked in homemade coffee ice cream (1 cup unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk, 1 tsp instant coffee and 1 packed Stevia).  Perfection.

A toughie arm workout this morning called for a protein-packed breakfast.

Eggy Protein Pancake
Serves 1 
1 egg white
3 Tbsp almond milk
1 tsp cinnamon
1 Tbsp flaxseed
half scoop of protein powder
2 Tbsp oats
Mix together and cook like a pancake.  Add sweetener if needed, and top with peanut butter, chia seeds, and extra cinnamon.

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As school is slowly approaching, I feel myself subconsciously getting more and more stressed.  Not so much about the work load-been there, done that-but school is really coming to an endWhich means I have to figure something out to do with my life.

Until a few months ago, I had NO goals.  I’ve lived most of my life in fear of failure, so setting a goal only meant one thing: that there was a possibility of failing.  After discovering I have a serious infatuation with the kitchen, cooking, and donning an apron, I decided a career goal I wanted to pursue was opening a bakery.

Well, my degree has nothing to do with that.  And I’ll graduate with no money in the bank.  No biggie though, one day in the future I really hope to open a coffee shop and bakery where ministry can be set in motion and love can be spread through my passion for listening to people, and well…food.  [I also want to start a running & yoga club back at school (isn’t it crazy that we don’t have a running club?!), but I fear that nobody will show up and it’ll be a flop.]

But what to do after graduation?!  Find a lowly position as a recent grad with some huge company, working in a cubicle 9-5?  Grad school? Move overseas?  What to do, what to do…

I always feel so behind in comparison to everyone else (again, comparing in every possible area of life)-I’ve never had an internship, I’ve only had a few jobs, I’m not super involved in every academic club at school. Whatever. Overrated (I hope).

As the stress builds up, I feel much more out of control.  The first area of my life where I lose control is food.  Ironic because I had too tight of a control in the food area for so long.  I’ve felt SO great about my relationship with food lately.  I’m learning portion control, which helps in booting foods off of my restriction list. (Note: I’ve eaten a hefty dessert every night this week, something that was never allowed before.)  My fear is that I’ll lose all of the freedom that I’ve been given through God’s grace, and I’ll turn back to food for comfort and control.

It’s an active process to tune out those voices that tell us we’re not good enough and because of that, we can’t do anything.

Is it cocky to tell myself that I CAN DO IT?! I can open a bakery someday, no matter what sacrifices and failures stand in the way.  I can be a leader and attempt to start a running club, even if it doesn’t work out. I can remain in the freedom from eating disorders and begin to live the life I’ve wasted up to this point.  I can set a goal and, whether I achieve it or not, feel a victory or a loss, and keep on moving forward.  I can live a healthy life in the midst of stress and pray against the comfort of food.  Fear is a waste of time.

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”
Sven Erikkson

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Fear of Failure? NAH

  1. Haley, I love you talking about your relationship with food. This has been such a constant struggle with me and for many other girls I know too so its great to hear somebody so open about it. I’m just like you, I used to be really hard on myself about not working out enough or eating too much or not letting myself eat foods that I loved growing up. And I’d agonize and just feel terrible about myself if I gained weight and it sucked so much letting my mood be dictated by what I was or wasn’t eating! So I’m 100% behind you, you can live a healthy lifestyle and not starve yourself 🙂 Keep up the awesome posts!

  2. Haley, your strength is contagious, I admire it so much. You realize your shortcomings and attack them head on. I’m just like you about giving myself a guilt trip for not working out or eating a certain food, but then I realized there’s just so much more to life than freaking out over one meal or one day of rest. It consumed my life for too long, and like you, I took control and told my ED to get the hell out of my life haha Girl, I’m cheering you on 110% in your fight!! 😀
    BTW–love the new theme and pic up top, it looks great! 🙂

  3. I’ve always wanted to open a little bakery as well 🙂 I would love for mine to be made with natural ingredients, so that people can still enjoy baked goods but not be polluting their bodies so much!! Dont get me wrong, I love a huge muffin every once in a while, but I hate how sluggish it makes my body feel after!! Need to throw in some wholesome ingredients 🙂

  4. If I went to your college I would TOTALLY join your club 🙂

    Lean on God.. he will carry you through all of your troubles!! I love your attitude 🙂

  5. I absolutely love this WHOLE post and am so grateful to have come across your blog! You are a very strong young woman and I am so impressed with how honest and positive you are. Keep on pushing 🙂

    Those protein pancakes sound wondeful!

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