If I’d known then,

“When I was a kid…” I swear my dad uses this phrase atleast 8 times a day.  Even I find myself using it around my brother and sister and I’m only 20.  In all honesty, I often think back over the past 8 or so years since I graduated from being a kid into the tumultuous teenage years, and wish I had known then what I know now about life.

And then I found this book laying on my momma’s night stand, fancy that. And I’m already half-obsessed with Letters To My Younger Self.  It’s only more proof that I’m a 70-year old stuck in a 20-year old’s body.

“God sometimes removes a person from your life for protection.  Don’t run after them.” -Rick Warren

This has been the second biggest struggle apart from an ED over the past two years.  Watching most of my “best friends forever” walk out of my life by choice  has been nothing short of hard. There are certain people who I was convinced I needed in my life because we had fun together and I trusted them, and was always questioning God: WHY DO YOU TAKE THESE PEOPLE AWAY FROM ME.  Never being close with my family, I relied on my closest friends.  I chased and chased and chased and chased and chased and felt like a desperate little school girl with a crush to no avail.  Now, it’s easier (not easy though) to let go and trust God that he has my best interests in mind-even when it comes to people.  I wish I had known that people come and go, and it’s all part of God’s hugggeeee plan-not part of my control.

“Some parts of life have to be messy before they can become beautiful.” Natasha Bedingfield

Yes, this is my grandma getting married at age 72. Beauty comes after messy, always.

It goes without saying that this describes the past year of hell.  My life was a mess-no friends, depression, no healthy relationship with food, loneliness, constant mind games, no love or laughter. I would never believe that good could come from all of that; that I would see beauty again.  Guess what though! I do!  (Almost) every day I notice little things that bring so much light to my life.  I laugh again, which is a verb I forgot the meaning of for a while.  I feel love for my friends and family again, and I feel things emotionally.  I’m no longer a brick wall with no heart. God has been working out some beautiful things in my life recently and I. Am. Loving. It.  I wish I had known that a messy life wasn’t the end-all. There’s more to the story than that.

“The only thing keeping you from you want most is yourself. There is more to life than wanting to be accepted and having it all figured out.”-Kristin Brown

Shy and insecure are two words I tacked onto my name for a long time.  Alot of things have flown out of my peripheral because I was too scared to take a chance and didn’t believe that I was good enough YET to accomplish them.  For example, running in college.  I know I’ve touched on my fears before, but I was too scared that I wasn’t fast enough.  I told myself that one day I’d have everything together and then be able to aim for making the team. What else have I kept myself from? Oh just about everything!  Fun, food, friends, travel, experience, college, adventure.  After blaming others for my problems, I wish I had known that I was the roadblock in my own life. 

“Laughter is mandatory.” – Julie Foudy

It really should be a law. Don’t forget to laugh today!


What’s one thing you wish you had known back in the day?




Filed under Blogging, ED thoughs

10 responses to “If I’d known then,

  1. This is SUCH a well written post! I can totally relate! When I was younger I wish I had known I would meet the current boyfriend I have now.. I wouldn’t have dated some of the guys that I dated-I had my feelings hurt a few times. But I suppose what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!

  2. I love your choices of quotes in this post, they’re so perfect! I did a double take when I read the part about anger towards God with best friends leaving, I went through the exact same thing. It really sucked butt! Once I realized my ED was turning me against both God and my friends, I knew I needed God more than ever.
    I wish I could tell the old me to ignore the petty crap from the cliques in high school. I wasted so much time worrying!

  3. Ah I love this post! I experienced a lot of my best friends leave my life and a part of me always wondered why but I’ve come to realize it’s only because there are other plans for me in my future and certain people are placed in my life at certain times.
    I wish I could tell the old me to love yourself at any size. And show myself how strong I was

  4. That first quote hits home for me. I had a pretty abusive boyfriend, and when God took him out of my life I just didnt understand why. I tried to get him back, and then I finally realized what a jerk he was and that God removed him from my life because I never would have seen what he really was if He hadnt!
    And love that you used a Julie Foudy quote 🙂

  5. Beautiful post, girl. I can definitely relate to a lot of it. I lost a lot of my really close friends over the past couple of years, and I definitely catch myself wondering why and wishing it wasn’t like that, but in the end I know it’s for the best, and that there are bigger and better things ahead. One thing I wish I had known back in the day was to appreciate my body for what it was instead of hating it for what it wasn’t. At least I smartened up, though 😀

  6. runningonapples

    This post made me feel so much better todayyyy! I wish I could have told myself to embrace every moment of every day- life is way too short, and it goes by so quickly!

  7. Inspiring post! The first quote is very true!
    I wish back in the day I had more self confidence & just accepted myself for who I was.
    This is such a well thought out & written post…keep them coming 🙂

  8. These are all such great quotes, and your reflections on them are wonderful! I’m so glad you shared! I can totally relate to a lot of the things you wrote. The “God sometimes removes a person from your life for protection. Don’t run after them.” quote is something I REALLY needed to hear today, so THANK YOU!!!!!

  9. Wow, what an unbelievably well written post, so amazing girl 🙂
    Your reflections are so powerful and shows how far you have come…this is certainly something to be so proud of.
    I so understand about the friends thing, and boy does it suck..simple as that. But God is watching out for you and I am glad you know that

  10. That Kristin Brown quote is SUCHHH a good one, love it!!

    Lovin’ all the photos 🙂

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