I’m not completely done with the process of recovery, but the past eight months have been a steady incline out of that dark world. I’ve said before that God deserves all of the credit for pulling me out of the messy life I made for myself; I’ll stick to that belief til the day that I die.
As I gained back my sanity and my personality, friends/a boyfriend/adventure/change were on my mind and I was ready to get back in the saddle of life. I understood why I didn’t have all of that during the first steps of my recovery-it wasn’t something I could handle and I wasn’t ready emotionally.
Don’t get me wrong, there are still plenty of bad days.
Fat days. I’m 100% positive their reoccurrence will diminish over the years to come but they do still come with a vengeance. For the most part though, I’m better. (I hope I don’t jinx myself by saying that.) No more restriction lists. No more guilt 24/7. No more saying no to food that I didn’t prepare.
Now that I’m at that place, I’ve kinda been like HEY GOD I’M READY. Bring on the friends! Bring on the boy! Bring on the travel and the study abroad opportunities! I have felt ready to handle all of that for about a month now, yet here I am still waiting for all of that to magically appear. I’ve already wasted two years, why should I have to wait any longer?
And then I read this this morning – Wastelands
There are dry, fruitless, lonely places in each of our lives, where we seem to travel alone, sometimes feeling as though we must surely have lost the way. What am I doing here? How did this happen? Lord, get me out of this!
He does not get us out. Not when we ask for it, at any rate, because it was He all along who brought us to this place. He has been here before–it is no wilderness to Him, and He walks with us. There are things to be seen and learned in these apparent wastelands which cannot be seen and learned in the “city”–in places of comfort, convenience, and company.
God does not intend to make it no wasteland. He intends rather to keep us–to hold us with his strength, to sustain us with his sure words–in a place where there is nothing else we can count on.
Imagine what Israel and all of us who worship Israel’s God would have missed if they had gone by the short route–the thrilling story of the deliverance from Egypt’s chariots when the sea was rolled back. Let’s not ask for shortcuts. Let’s keep alert for the wonders our Guide will show us in the wilderness.
-Elisabeth Elliot (found here)
It was a beautiful reminder that the past two years wasn’t a waste and this waiting period doesn’t have to be wasted either. I didn’t come out of it learning nothing-it changed me as a person for the better. Yes it took longer than I would’ve liked to get out of that darkness, but it did happen. Does it make it easier to keep on waiting around for my wish list to happen? Nope. But it does make waiting easier because I know my life and my joy is in the hands of an awesome God who loves me and has my best interests at heart.
Just some food for thought:
Question: Ever felt like you’ve had to wait *too long* for something good to happen?
What was the best part of your weekend!
“It is strange that the years teach us patience; that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.” – Elizabeth Taylor