Tag Archives: disordered eating

Code Red + Weekend Workout

Amazon is a doll and sent me NROLFW only a few days after ordering it.  I was weirdly excited to receive a book in the mail that would give me new workout ideas, but I was actually sorta kinda bummed that it recommends you only do a weight workout 3x a week.  Apparently I’ve been hit with roid rage and I can’t just do three days.

I never intended on reading the actual book book, but it’s been super interesting.  It’s hard to tell what’s true and what works because really, anybody can make their study seem believable.  But last night a part that stuck out to me was the having kids/menstrual cycle part and how nutrition affects that immensely.

As sick as it is, I used to pride myself on not getting my period because I knew it meant I was working out a lot and not eating a lot, aka amenorrhea.  [Okay, so I didn’t have to deal with my period, but I did have to deal with depression, irritability, and I was one big Moody Judy.]  Once I got back on track, eating again and exercising like the average person, everything turned back to normal and I thought sweetttttt no biggie. But the author makes such a good point that if you don’t have a healthy reproductive system, then the short and long-term effects won’t be pretty.  Having kids is dangerous and out of the question (if even possible) and post-menopausal, your bone tissues will be weak.

To be honest, those disordered thoughts still pass through my head about once a day.  A lighter period=losing weight.  And I consider that a victory, which is SO. NOT. TRUE.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m 200% single and I’m not looking to bear children anytime soon, but to be a mom is most definitely one of my top 3 goals in life.  Reading that paragraph was a slap in the face.

“It makes no sense to get pregnant during periods in which starvation is a distinct possibility.  So your body shifts its priorities elsewhere, fueling your brain and internal organs rather than allocating those precious energy reserves to a hungry offspring.” – Lou Schuler

Not okay with me…4 words: bring. on. the. food.

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Amenorrhea is a sign of low estrogen levels, which in the long run causes stress fractures (in the postmenopausal area). I’ve been blessed with two strong legs and two functional arms that allow me to do what I love-run, lift weights, cook, walk, dance, eat.  I don’t want to be 50 and be bed-ridden because I didn’t take care of my body in my third decade of life.

One thing I’ve learned about disordered eating is that it focuses your mind only on the short term.  I had no peripheral vision and could only see one day at a time-planning that day’s meals out, being guilty over everything that I ate that day.  I never realized the harm I was doing to my body could greatly affect where I will stand as a senior citizen.  I want to be able to have kids, and then pick up and play around with my grandkids.  If I don’t give my body what it needs and pack in the nutrients, then that might not be possible.

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As I recover, my eyes are getting wider and I can see further down the road versus one day at a time.  Thankfully, the healing I’ve experienced by the grace of God has opened my eyes and convinced me to take care of myself now so I’m not itching to turn back time and wish I had made different decisions.

Taking good care of my body is still a one-day-at-a-time thing, but now with goals for my future that would directly be affected by my body’s nutrition level, I’m more willing and excited to fuel it properly and nutritiously.

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Weekend Workout

A treadmill workout I did a few days ago could not go without sharing.  The only thing I like about spinning class is the songs and feeling the music pump the blood through your veins.  But I don’t like spinning, so I used a spinning playlist and took it to the treaddy:

1) Warmup: walk @ 4.0, and run @ 6.0 during chorus
2) Start at 6.5 and increase the speed by 0.5 every minute
3) Go back to 6.5 and switch the incline between 1.5 and 5 every minute
4) Tempo run @ 7.0
5) Go back to 6.5 and sprint @ 8.0 during chorus (beware: the chorus is kind of long)
6) Tempo run @ 6.5
7) Stay @ 6.5 and sprint @ 8.5 during chorus <–Can’t help but love Selena Gomez’s words of wisdom
8) Walk @ 4.0 mph with incline @ 5.0

My deepest darkest baddest secret is that I secretly had a crush on Lil’ Wayne during my highschool rap phase.

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Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

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What are your thoughts on New Rules of Lifting for Women?

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Honey I’m Home!

I’m baaa-aack! Time goes by way too fast, I can’t believe my trip is already over and it’s back to real life now.

Like I said, our trip was jam-packed for 8 days straight and there really was little downtime.  I plan on doing a small recap of as much as I can remember for each day, and also doing a normal blog post each day.  After sitting 15 hours on the plane yesterday, my legs are screaming for a good workout.  So I’ll definitely be catching up on workouts, my normal food, etc.

Before leaving for Italy, I was very nervous about the onslaught of my disordered thoughts.  Most vacations or trips I go on, there is an available gym hotel, a safe running path, or a DVD player where I can pop in a workout DVD and still stay active.  Knowing none of these would be a valid option across the globe, I was anxious about my body.  What would all of the olive oil, pasta, and pizza do to my body?!  What would the scale read after not burning off all the food?!

Thank the Lord, none of these thoughts entered my head once the entire vacation.  I leaned SO much about myself when it comes to eating and exercising.  Every time I trust God and let go of those thoughts, and live, life is so much easier…so peaceful.

Here’s the things I realized, and because of them I was able to enjoy my vacation and make progress on recovery:

  • I can go a week without the gym, while having no control over what I eat.  It doesn’t kill me, and it doesn’t make me gain 10 pounds per day.
  • I have more self-control than I think.
  • It’s okay to be hungry.
  • Disordered eating thoughts don’t have to control my life and direct my happiness.
  • I won’t let my desire for control prevent me from pursuing my dreams.
  • I can survive a week without nut butters. (Okay, I made up for it by eating copious amounts of Nutella, but still…)

I’ll expand on some of them in my Italia recaps, but let’s face it-I want to talk about the freakin’ food!

Overall, the trip was AMAZING.  I so enjoyed the time I got to spend with my family (despite having to share one bathroom between 5 people), it reconfirmed for me my desire to live in Europe, and it was so cool to see the sights and live in the culture.

Now for some pretty pictures:

 

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

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I’m Coming For You, ITALIA…

 

 

 I can’t believe I’ll be in this beautiful country in just a few days:

Seriously, I’ve been blessed beyond words and I don’t understand why!

You better believe the anxiety is starting to creep up on me about not being able to work out, not being able to control what I eat when I eat.

I’ve been compiling a couple workout DVDS, yoga series, and no-equipment routines I can do if I have the time.  Our schedule is pretty jam-packed (hey, we’re not wasting anytime in Italy) as it is, but if we are relaxing in the hotel for the night, or I happen to wake up a tad early due to jet lag, it wouldn’t hurt to get in some form of exercise, right?

I’ve been reminded numerous times that we’ll be walking everywhere.  Which is something I definitely miss about living in Europe.  While here we take our car to get to the gym (ironic, huh?), in Europe it’s a totally different story.  I’m looking forward to having no car-just my feet (and a train system).

More than anything, I’m nervous I’m going to waste my time there worrying about my body.  I want to enjoy every last bit of pizza, pasta, gelato (SCORE) and glass of wine.  I don’t want to feel guilty whatsoever, because Italy could be a once in a lifetime thing. I’m determined to not let “those thoughts” get to me, weigh me down, and prevent me from living.

Yes, I’m bringing along granola bars and small snack bags, just because it’s nothing I would do differently if I was at home.  If I’m hungry for a quick pick-me-up, I would reach for some almonds or a protein bar.  So why can’t I do the same thing there?

Yes, I am bringing a lot some workout options just in case, but I’m not going to schedule my days around that and let it make or break my day.

You can bet your bottom dollar I’m going to enjoy every single experience, whether food is involved or not!  Goodness I’m so excited.

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Breakfast

This is what I don’t get – when you eat a late-night snack, you wake up even hungrier than normal.  Is that backwards?  Or am I the only one who has this issue?

I opted for a bowl of cooked oats, with a teaspoon of cinnamon, melted PB, a melted banana, apple butter, and chia seeds.  It wasn’t the best breakfast, but it got the job done and fueled me for my easy workout.

I headed to the gym and took it easy on the elliptical for 30 minutes while reading my new issue of Fitness Magazine.  My body needed a relaxing day.  (And, I’m trying not to “get in as much working out as possible” before leaving for vacation.)  Just another normal day…

Knowing that I would be going on a long bike ride post-workout kept me cool too.  I refueled with a Yoplait blueberry yogurt and a handful of strawberries blended together for a granita.

Oh, and a slice of homemade bread.  Because forreal, that stuff is add-ic-ting.

Hope you have a wonderful Saturday afternoon!

 

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Homemade Tomato Sauce

I definitely had an itch for the kitch(en) this morning.  Cooking is my passion, yet I have nobody to cook for and I hate wasting food all the time.  Can a school cafeteria please hire me please?

Last week at a farmer’s market (on the side of a road in the middle of nowhere-sketchy?) my dad and I picked up some fresh cherry tomatoes.  As well as an 8-ball squash, some yellow squash, and my favorite-sweet potatoes!  Homegrown really are better than store-bought.  I’m officially on that bandwagon.

So what to do with expiring squash and tomatoes and an appetite for Italian food?  Make homemade tomato sauce, of course!  I pretty much threw this together in my head while in the shower, and it turned out so beautifully.

Homemade Tomato Sauce

Serves 2
1 Tbsp EVOO
1 cup cherry tomatoes (cut in half)
1/2 cup onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, chopped
1/4 cup celery, chopped
1/2 cup yellow squash, chopped
2 Tbsp tomato sauce/marinara sauce (I used Ragu-yes I realize this is semi-cheating)
1 Tbsp bread crumbs
1 8-Ball squash (this isn’t necessary, this is just what I filled with the sauce)
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp dried basil
1 bay leaf
dash of cumin
1/4 tsp pepper

The necessary ingredients

Cut the 8-ball squash in half

Let soak in boiling water for 15 minutes

Chop veggies

Saute garlic and onion in 1 Tbsp EVOO

When onion is translucent and garlic is browned, add celery and yellow squash

Add tomatoes, spices, and bay leaf. Also, add tomato paste/prepped marinara sauce

Mash everything together. Cover and let simmer 15 minutes.

While sauce is simmering, scoop out seeds from squash halves. It's like carving a pumpkin in summertime 🙂

Post-simmering. Simmer until all liquid from tomatoes is absorbed. Mix in 1 Tbsp bread crumbs.

Stuff yo squash.

Cover with fresh cheese of your choice-I did one with goat cheese and mozzarella and one with just mozzarella.

Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes; broil on high for 3 minutes or until cheese browns.

 

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Snacky time after my workout this morning was a fresh berry smoothie.  My family is taking advantage hardcore of berry season and I’m loving it.  In the mix went a handful of strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries, with a container of honey almond yogurt (Target brand).  It was so filling and so summery!

For lunch I had half of my 8-ball squash.  The sauce was too die for.  Seriously.  The squash I could’ve done without.  I’ll stick to butternut and spaghetti, please and thank you.  I paired it with saltines and lots of Caramel Corn Quaker Mini Rice Cakes.

Dinner tonight was eaten at work.  Normally I prefer to pack a dinner so I won’t be tempted by the pizza store and all the other fast food restaurants around town, but today I just wasn’t feeling it.  I knew I probably wouldn’t be too hungry come dinner-time since my appetite isn’t back in full swing yet, so I figured I would come back home during my break to prep something quick.

When I was faced with the dilemma: eat Chinese food with my co-workers or go home to my comfort zone and eat what I wanted and control the calories.  I chose to eat Chinese because I knew that would be the harder thing to do, yet the necessary thing.  I chose a “light & healthy options” dish called Buddha’s Delight, and was severely disappointed.  Chinese food has never let me down before tonight!  It was basically water chestnuts, snap peas, carrots, mushrooms, and cabbage…not too much flavor and way too watery.  Thankfully I packed in the carbs in the form of steamed rice.  Why is that stuff so addicting?  I belong in China.

I came home to a bag of kettle corn sprinkled with cinnamon and sea salt, and now I’m ready to hit the pillow because I’m a total grandma.

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Have a good night!

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Bye Scale!

The past four days I’ve been a crazy basketcase of emotions.  My days have consisted of laying on the couch, struggling to be OK to work, and barely eating.  When my stomach first started bothering me Thursday morning, I was excited.  I know how wrong that sounds, but the disordered thoughts side of me knew this was an “opportunity” to lose weight and not have to worry about food.  You can imagine how humbling it was to step on the scale this morning and see that my weight had increased.  I gained weight…seriously?!  Initially, my disordered thoughts came in full-force, beating myself up because I didn’t eat healthy enough; I shouldn’t have eaten that pizza and those Oreo’s; I should’ve gone on a walk.  But then I stepped back and forced myself to think rationally, like a normal person.  So what if I gained 2 pounds?  Weight fluctuates all the time, especially depending on the time of day you weigh yourself.  I’m probably storing a lot of water weight since I haven’t been sweating at all.  It could be due to a crazy amount of muscle gain from working out on the couch 😉 Okay maybe not.  But in the scheme of life, seriously what does a two pound difference make?  Not much I tell you.

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As I’ve shared before, a day off of running or working out was a day of hell for me.  Over the past 6 months, I weaned myself out of that thinking and was able to take a healthy, mindful day off once a week for rest and recuperation.  Four days off, on the other hand, was unheard of.  Guess what!  I just took four days off, and I’m alive and (somewhat) well!  Taking time off won’t kill me, it won’t make me fat, it won’t make me feel disgusting.  Despite some leftover minor stomach issues, my body feels so new and I have never craved a good workout like I am right now.

My body likes to move.  I can’t sit through an entire movie without getting up and moving, so laying down for four days straight was a toughie.  It was also humbling.  I realize now how much I take exercise and fitness for granted.  It’s crazy how I automatically assume that each day I’ll wake up and be able to go to the gym, when in reality that might not always be the case.  Luckily, my sickness is (hopefully) temporary and I’ll be back on my feet and treating my body right again; for some that’s not to their fortune.

I won’t lie-I still obsess over exercising.  Often I’ll find myself feeling very anxious over exercise, fearing I won’t “do enough” at the gym or I’ll miss a body part or something.  I don’t like being in a place where working out and eating comes before my other priorities-like God, my friends, and my family.  As easy as it is to hide that on the outside, on the inside I still struggle with this prioritization.  Since exercise hasn’t been a viable option for me the past week, it’s been a major wake-up call to redirect my attention to where it needs to be.  I might not always be able to work out my body how I want it to, so I need to stop relying on that to be my saving grace.

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As hard as it’s been to do nothing while still eating (and not being able to “burn off” calories), it’s taught me a lot and reminded me of some truths I desperately needed to be reminded of.  A huge one: when my body is asking for rest, give it to it; I had to practice what I preach.  In my past, I would’ve been outside in the 100-degree heat running, in spite of my fever and my stomach bug.  This time around, I knew I needed rest to get better-not a run.

The scale scared me this morning, but the scale isn’t what I define my life by anymore.  I’m striving to not allow that beast to define my day, how I see myself, and my worth.  Friends, the scale isn’t a death sentence, and nothing it tells you is permanent.

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Fingers crossed, I’ll be going to the gym in a few hours.  It’ll be tough to find a balance between getting a workout without working too hard since I’m not feeling 100% yet.  My intentions aren’t to lose those two pounds or reshape a certain problem area.  I want to feel my heart pumping, I want to sweat, and I want to move!  Pray that it goes well and that my thoughts don’t sway over to the dark side.

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BTW-who else is SUPER excited for this to come out?  I definitely have my ticket for the premiere already.  Call me a nerd-I’m damn proud of it!

 

Pessimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The good news is — optimism does too. Since you’re free to choose, choose success and happiness. Choose optimism! — Author Unknown

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My Soul Will Be Satisfied

As you can see, I changed the name of my blog, and hopefully I’ll be changing alot about it too!  Like I’ve said a million times, I want to take it more seriously because I really am falling quickly in love with the blogging world.

Since my day yesterday consisted of laying down, napping, and eating only 2 bowls of cereal (oh, and froyo) I figured I should share the reason for the new name!  Bear with me, this is a long rant and don’t feel obligated to read 😉

[Note:  I’m not in any way trying to impress my religious beliefs on anyone.  I am only relating to you my experience with disordered eating and what worked for me.]

There is a love-hate relationship between food and I.  I grew up loving-and I mean loving-all kinds of food.  Lunchables and Dunkaroos didn’t satisfy my overly-mature palate.  My parents are to thank for this-they never wavered on forcing me to balance those kiddie junk foods with veggies and nutrient-packed meals.

In highschool, my love for food blossomed along with my appetite.  My nickname was “The Garbage Disposal“, and was given to me by guys.  (I was obviously competing in the big leagues.)  Running cross country kept me thin and I knew anything I ate I would just run it off.  I ate what I wanted when I wanted it.  No second thoughts; calories and trans fat weren’t words in my vocabulary.  I never understood why normal-sized girls would always complain about being “fat”.  Body image was (luckily) one of the things I never struggled with.  I still look back on those days and miss them.  Not so much because of what I ate, but because of how I ate.  No holding back, no restrictions; everything was game.

Due to certain events-mainly a breakup (lame? I know)-I slowly but surely stuck my foot in the door of the devastating and degrading world of body image.  If you’ve ever been there, you know how fast it sucks you in.  For the first time, I noticed my body.  My lovehandles were too flabby, my thighs were too big from running, I was too pale, my hair wasn’t the right color for me.  I had a tiny stomach pooch, my arms were too hairy, my teeth weren’t straight.  I just “knew” that if I hadn’t had all of these flaws, the guy would’ve stayed with me.  At the same time, going off to college and being separated from my friends and family meant change.  Nothing was in my control anymore.  So in my mind, the only option was to take control.  Some of the problems were obviously out of my control, but I figured my body-what I put in it and how I worked it-I could control.  Hence started the hate relationship with food.

I started to believe any food would pack on the pounds immediately, so the only way to get “skinny” was to stop eating.  In place of food, I subbed Diet Coke.  I’d go all day just drinking the fake, carbonated beverage and be sooo unbelievably dizzy and uncomfortable by the end of the day that I would get home at night and decide to have some food.  I’d get so mad at myself for eating crackers or cereal that I would “punish” myself by shoving anything and everything down my throat.  Like it was a sin to eat food at all.  I’d get beyond the point of satiation and immediately start dwelling over the food I just ate, counting the calories mentally.  I would “fix” this by running 6-10 miles the next morning…every single day.  Then the cycle would start all over again.

It became my little secret-something I had in the palm of my hand that was easily to control.  I started turning to food for comfort when I was lonely (and you know how lonely college can be), sad, or if I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror.  Over my first year in college, the days of not eating were replaced by days of binge-eating.  I’d follow up every single binge with a hardcore run.

And
it
was
miserable.
I hated myself-not okay.

Fast forward to my second year.  The hole I was digging for myself continued to grow, and it grew fast.  I tried counseling but it was to no avail.  I tried talking to friends and family and everyone told me it was “all in my head”, “no big deal”, a “lack of self-control”.  Not knowing anyone who was dealing with the same issues made me believe I was the only crazy one.  Self-control became my saving grace, and it was then that my “Restricted Food” list began.  No sweets, no fats, no meats (unless it was lean), no snack food, mostly fruits and veggies, no white grains.  Every day I was adding a list of “bad” foods.  What’s funny is that even though I had a tight reign on what I ate, my weight skyrocketed to the highest point it’s ever been.  I was miserable every single day, depressed, and surrounded my complete darkness.  I blew off friends, events, and fun to stick with my routine so I could be in control.  And then once I broke my routine with a binge, or ate something “bad” I’d hate myself even more.  I could only eat at certain times, which prevented me from going out with friends.  I had to get adequate sleep so I could wake up early enough for a long workout, which prevented fun nights out.  I  lost friend after friend because I was so irritable.

It wasn’t until God used a friend of mine to step in and bring me the hope I needed in the form of a website, what do you know!  A 60-day course online made me take a real look at my life and re-prioritize.  There was no magic diet or exercise prescribed.  It was simply taking my eyes and thoughts off of myself and refocusing them on Jesus.  It was realizing life is bigger and better than the tiny flaws I was consumed with.  It was learning to accept those flaws because of the end of the day, my body isn’t mine and I didn’t make it…I don’t get to form it.  It was realizing health is more important than what I look like.  It was healing.  It gave me what counseling and what people couldn’t provide me with.

“My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.” -Psalm 63:5

This has been my new saving grace.  I learned (and am still learning) to reestablish a love relationship with food.  I found a new passion for cooking and baking-which ironically means I’m around my self-prescribed list of “bad” foods alot.  My stomach thanks me after every delicious meal I present to it, but food isn’t and never will be, the comfort for my soul.  It doesn’t bring me the fulfillment and the peace I was seeking for so long.  Only Christ can do that.  As long as I’m eating, cooking, serving, and living for him, my soul will be satisfied.  Thanks to a renewed relationship and healthy outlook on exercise, my soles are satisfied too (ha, get it?).

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The journey continues.  There are good and bad days, and honestly sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be truly healed.  I long for a day when I can open the pantry door and just eat something without those thoughts racing through my head.  But even in the bad days, I know there is hope.  The blogging world has been a huge blessing to me as I read similar struggles and stories, when I once thought I was the only one.

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If you are struggling with disordered eating, thoughts, or exercise addiction, know that there is hope.  I’ve seen such healing in my life and I pray that you can find it too.  Seriously, check out the website!  Maybe it’ll be what you need, maybe not.  But there is healing to be found.  Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it, because you’re not the only one!

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Confession

The past few days have been really rough when it comes to eating and living a balanced, healthy lifestyle.  I’ve been turning to food for comfort when I shouldn’t be, I find myself snacking alot, and the thoughts that controlled my life before are slowly creeping back into my mind.

Living at home again for the summer has been much more challenging than I previously thought.  I figured it would be an easy adjustment because my dad is also very into eating healthy and clean, yet there are baked goods left and right from my sister, snack foods have overtaken our pantry from my brother, and I can’t seem to choose healthier options over the junk food.

Also, being at work for 10-hour shifts on my feet makes convenient and filling food so much more appealing.  I started off bringing salads and other various healthy meals so I wouldn’t be tempted by the pizza store next door, but lately I’ve resorted to laziness and stopped packing meals for myself.  So, when I get hungry, I either indulge in pizza with my co-workers, or a muffin from the store.  I justify the not-so-healthy eating by telling myself that “I’ve been on my feet all day, so I’ve burned X amount of calories.”

Don’t get me wrong…there’s nothing wrong with eating pizza here and there.  There’s nothing wrong with snacking.  But for me personally, where I am at this point in my healing journey, it becomes all too easy to slip back into old habits.  I don’t want food to control my life again.  I don’t want to feel so out of control when I start to eat that I literally don’t have the strength to stop.  I don’t want food to be on my mind all hours of the day, planning out meals, and then beat myself up when I eat more than anticipated.  I don’t want to look in the mirror and see myself as humongous after eating a brownie.  I don’t want to start skipping meals after I eat “too much”.

For example, this morning I opted for having a cereal bowl for breakfast.  Cereal used to be a love-hate relationship for me.  I loved cereal, yet I couldn’t just have one bowl.  I could plow through a whole box in one sitting-it’s that addicting for me.  Once I got back on track and began healing, I cut cereal out of my life temporarily because I knew it had the potential to harm, rather than help, me.  Recently, I’ve been eating cereal on a daily basis for breakfast-it’s easy, refreshing, and most of all, it’s cold.  I summoned some crazy self-control within me and have been able to be filled by just one bowl.  This morning on the other hand, I ran back for seconds.  Although it doesn’t seem like a big deal, it is for me, simply because I know it’s one more thing that can easily cause me to stumble back into having no self-control.

I want to find balance in my life again.  Having such disordered eating and a long, unhealthy relationship with food is tiring.  What I long for is to be normal.  I envy the people that eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re not, without a second thought.  I want to be able to enjoy meals, desserts, snacks, whatever, with friends and family and not let the nutritional information even cross my mind.  I want to be able to say no to food when I know I don’t want or need it.  I don’t want to focus on achieving the “perfect” body anymore through exercise and food; those are things that I’ve abused over and over again, and I want to use them instead to achieve a healthy lifestyle.  Not a perfect healthy lifestyle, but a balanced one.  One where I can eat a brownie (or 2 or 3) and not worry about how I’ll burn it off because all of the veggies I consume balance it out.  I want to be able to slip up and move on, instead of dwelling on it.

What I’ve noticed lately is that I stopped relying on God to help me and to give me the strength I need to pursue health in the face of our convenience culture.  I gave myself all of the credit for overcoming an eating disorder, when really God is the only reason that I’m alive and sane today.  I became extremely prideful in “eating healthy” and surreptitiously rubbed it in my friends’ and family’s faces.  More than anything, pride took over me when I looked in the mirror.  I saw the (few) pounds I didn’t want drop off and I finally had “that” body that I wanted, and I became so vain about it.  I need to start trusting the Lord to reveal truth to me about who I am and not what I look like.

Although I haven’t fallen back completely, I was on the cliff about to jump.  Thankfully, my eyes have been opened to where I was headed and I’m determined to pursue an overall healthy lifestyle today.  And then I’ll do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day…one day at a time.  The point of this blog was for me to record my eats and my workouts so I could hold myself accountable-whether someone reads it or not.  I plan to use this as a tool to help me out, but not to be my saving grace.

These next few days are crucial in the process, and I’ll be doing my best (in the midst of work days) to eat healthy, but also to treat myself, and to find a balance in exercise again.  Because of that, I’m taking today completely off, even though my mind is criticizing me because of all the food I ate yesterday that I should be “burning off”.   I’m excited to trust God and see how he moves!

Sorry about my rant, and I’ll be back late tonight with an update!

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