Tag Archives: joy

Joy & Healing

Good morning friends!  How was the start to the weekend last night?!  Hope you were able to take some time off from school/work to relax and refresh.  I spent my night going to ring dunks and midnight yell [don’t ask] and am ready to get in some shopping today for my cardio 😉 as a reward for pwning my interviews yesterday.  I’m SO glad yall are all on the carb-overdose-before-bed train with me…and like some of you said, it does make me sleep harder and longer.  Win for everyone.

Speaking of carbs, breakfast was a simple bowl of cereal-Kashi Crunch, Multigrain Cheerios, cinnamon, flaxseed with coconut milk, with a side of strawberries [out of the container, no less]

So this topic doesn’t directly have to do with health and fitness, but I want to hear your thoughts!  It’s been on my heart all week, but I’ve been putting it off because of school and pure laziness.

Both my ED days and being in college has made me extremely selfish, as I’m sure many of you can relate.  It’s all about when I want to eat, when I want to go to bed/wake up, when I need to study, when I need to do this and do that.  If what I’m doing fits into your schedule, then great, we can hang out.  But if not then sucks to suck.  [It even bothers me how much I say “I” on the blog]

“When we live self-centered lives, we are denied the joy of delighting in others.”

As of right now, I would say that I’m 95% healed from an ED.  I thought it would be a walk in the park if I could just get over that hill, but what followed was severe depression and anxiety.  Which is still self-centered, focusing on my problems, my sadness, my lack of hope.

“Nobody should seek his own god, but the good of others.” – 1 Corinthians 10:24

Coming back to school, I was still at the bottom of all bottoms, and was ready to take on counseling and medicine so I could get back to ‘normal’ (whatever that is) and move forward.  I’m open about my faith on my blog because I know that God is the only reason I’m alive and thriving and healthy today.  I couldn’t have healed myself through my own power.  Yet things aren’t always bright and dandy in the faith area either.  It’s been a struggle to go to church on a weekly basis and to try to get involved in something Christian-oriented on campus because well, I just haven’t been feelin it.

But this is why God is so so cool. Every morning when I hesitantly open my bible, every sermon I’ve heard, comments from friends have all been directing me towards the same thing – focus on others. Not as a distraction from my own ‘problems’ but because there is serious joy to be found in being a shoulder for someone and praying over someone who needs it more than I do.

My focus is always down at myself, but when I lift my eyes and look at the people walking by me on campus, my roommates, strangers at the gym, I can see the hurt in their lives as well.  I can’t fix whatever they’re going through…I know that God can though.  Simply praying for other peoples’ hearts instead of my own has brought enough joy in and of itself.  It’s incredible how doing things for other people-even if it’s just asking how their day was or an unnoticed prayer-can make all the difference.

Every organization I’ve joined in college has been to further my social life and my resume.  So I dropped everything I was involved in the past two years and joined Global Justice-which is a small group of students who sincerely want to bring attention to social injustices around the world.  Talk about taking the focus off of myself.  I get so caught up in my little bubble of nothingness that I forget to notice hardships people face all over the world.  Taking the focus off of yourself brings healing, in whatever way you need to be healed.

If you need a little inspiration, I suggest you go here and read about the war going on in the Congo and the desire to bring kid soldiers out of that environment and into love, education, and healing.  It’s not about comparing problems with another person, it’s about feeling someone else’s hurt and realizing whatever you’re going through isn’t the end of the world. There is  joy to be found through being there for someone else.

[I’ll definitely be talking alot about Falling Whistles in the weeks to come.  I had never heard of it before last week, yet it’s been on my heart x294948 so be readdddaaayyyy.]

“But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?” -1 John 3:17


Sorry for such a wordy and confusing post!  Enjoy your Saturday (especially if football is involved) and say a little prayer for a stranger today.  Be on the lookout for the joy that comes with that 😀

What organization or non-profit really tugs at your heart? For me, anything that supports oppressed kids makes me want to go adopt them all. 
What are your weekend plans?
Shopping, lots of studying, bonding with the roomie
Does shopping count as cardio?  
Yes it is.  Don’t tell me it isn’t.  



Filed under College, Daily Eats, ED thoughs, Life

If I’d known then,

“When I was a kid…” I swear my dad uses this phrase atleast 8 times a day.  Even I find myself using it around my brother and sister and I’m only 20.  In all honesty, I often think back over the past 8 or so years since I graduated from being a kid into the tumultuous teenage years, and wish I had known then what I know now about life.

And then I found this book laying on my momma’s night stand, fancy that. And I’m already half-obsessed with Letters To My Younger Self.  It’s only more proof that I’m a 70-year old stuck in a 20-year old’s body.

“God sometimes removes a person from your life for protection.  Don’t run after them.” -Rick Warren

This has been the second biggest struggle apart from an ED over the past two years.  Watching most of my “best friends forever” walk out of my life by choice  has been nothing short of hard. There are certain people who I was convinced I needed in my life because we had fun together and I trusted them, and was always questioning God: WHY DO YOU TAKE THESE PEOPLE AWAY FROM ME.  Never being close with my family, I relied on my closest friends.  I chased and chased and chased and chased and chased and felt like a desperate little school girl with a crush to no avail.  Now, it’s easier (not easy though) to let go and trust God that he has my best interests in mind-even when it comes to people.  I wish I had known that people come and go, and it’s all part of God’s hugggeeee plan-not part of my control.

“Some parts of life have to be messy before they can become beautiful.” Natasha Bedingfield

Yes, this is my grandma getting married at age 72. Beauty comes after messy, always.

It goes without saying that this describes the past year of hell.  My life was a mess-no friends, depression, no healthy relationship with food, loneliness, constant mind games, no love or laughter. I would never believe that good could come from all of that; that I would see beauty again.  Guess what though! I do!  (Almost) every day I notice little things that bring so much light to my life.  I laugh again, which is a verb I forgot the meaning of for a while.  I feel love for my friends and family again, and I feel things emotionally.  I’m no longer a brick wall with no heart. God has been working out some beautiful things in my life recently and I. Am. Loving. It.  I wish I had known that a messy life wasn’t the end-all. There’s more to the story than that.

“The only thing keeping you from you want most is yourself. There is more to life than wanting to be accepted and having it all figured out.”-Kristin Brown

Shy and insecure are two words I tacked onto my name for a long time.  Alot of things have flown out of my peripheral because I was too scared to take a chance and didn’t believe that I was good enough YET to accomplish them.  For example, running in college.  I know I’ve touched on my fears before, but I was too scared that I wasn’t fast enough.  I told myself that one day I’d have everything together and then be able to aim for making the team. What else have I kept myself from? Oh just about everything!  Fun, food, friends, travel, experience, college, adventure.  After blaming others for my problems, I wish I had known that I was the roadblock in my own life. 

“Laughter is mandatory.” – Julie Foudy

It really should be a law. Don’t forget to laugh today!


What’s one thing you wish you had known back in the day?



Filed under Blogging, ED thoughs